its the ups and downs..

we have been home on the farm for a week now from our family vacation in Hawaii and life has been happening all around us. The weather has been unseasonably warm and I have soaked it up as much as one possibly could have, spending mornings letting the chickens out, cleaning their coop, raking leaves up from the beds and pulling foliage from cosmos and sunflowers for the compost pile. I excitedly planted my first tomatoes and flowers on my potting bench and stared thru the plastic dome like an excited child waiting by the oven for that fresh, hot chocolate chip cookie..waiting. We moved our farm machinery back to the yard for its yearly maintenance before we start seeding in a couple of weeks and even spent evenings out on the swing in t-shirts while dinners cooked on the bbq. Its Spring here on the farm..and I love it!

of course with all the excitement that life offers, so comes life's trials and challenges. this week Hudson is teething something fierce and my heart breaks for this period in his life. Two days ago, he began cutting 3 new teeth..all at once! his nose was running, drool trickled out from his sweet little mouth, a painful diaper rash erupted on his bottom and he was NOT happy!! My poor little baby is growing up!! Its exciting but challenging..

beyond the aches and pains of toddlerhood came even bigger heartbreaks for our family this week. My husbands grandma landed in the hospital near the tail end of our vacation with pneumonia and only recently was released. Then my mom let me know my uncle was hospitalized for stomach pains and was diagnosed with stomach cancer and is needing his entire stomach to be removed quickly. Then a text from my best friend about a personal heartbreak of her own...it was just one thing after another. People around me are hurting and I wish I could take that hurt for them and give them hope.

Then yesterday, I received a text from a very dear friend of mine that finally broke me. Her beautiful daughter, who just turned 1 last week and was born with down syndrome, has been diagnosed with a form of leukaemia. I was shattered. This family has already been through so much and this precious little girl..why? Why is this all happening? What is going on? I know its not for me to question the why's or the how's of this world but somedays I cannot help myself. Everyone is going through some form of struggle and I guess thats "just life"..whatever that means..

so here's to the ups and downs of life. the struggles and the victories. the hurt and the joy.

here's to life..

Tomorrow is December...

Last night we celebrated the holidays with my extended family on my dad's side. I loved how in 30 years, so much has changed yet, so much has stayed the same. The next generation of my family were so busy playing and dancing, learning to walk and trying so hard to crawl. I watched with pure joy as my own son played with his cousins and watched them, curious to who they were and what they were doing. It's a whole new feeling to be a parent during the holidays, yet being with my cousins and my aunts and uncles and my mom, my brother and sister in law just felt like "home". We ate food, we visited, we opened gifts and laughed then finished our evening with the same carolling books we have used for the last 10 years. Horribly off-tune and full of life..that's the best way to describe my wonderful family last night. It brought joy to my heart to start the holiday season off with my loved ones.

But, it was inevitable. I found myself looking around each room, fully aware of the absence. In February it will be two years but I still keep looking for him. At Christmas more than ever, I miss my dad. He was a big kid who loved Christmas as much as I do. And I miss him so..

This year has been difficult. Wishing he could know Hudson and that Hudson could know him. Wondering how they would play together and what they would do together, it breaks my heart. If my dad were alive, this Christmas would feel whole. But it never will.

I read a quote on pinterest that said, "Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn how to swim."

And, even though it's been two years, I am still learning how to swim...

This Christmas will be magical because of my saving grace..my son. But I hope to god I learn how to at least tread water as well...

right now..

we returned home last night from a little getaway for our anniversary to a sick little boy. He's battling his first true cold, and its breaking mommas heart. Of course Hudson is still smiling and giggling and full of energy, but his runny nose and sneezes and phlegm-filled cough let me know he truly isn't feeling that awesome.

He had a horrible nights sleep last night, which honestly is so odd for our little man. He sleeps like a rock for 11-12 hours..but last night? Last night he needed a lot of cuddles and snuggles to get him through. And man..we gave that to him full force.

Today he has been taking some meds and drinking lots of fluids and taking lots of naps. The humidifier is going non-stop in his room and I am cuddling him up every chance I get. We're going to have him in tip top shape again before we know it.

Other than that, my head is spinning with all the creative projects I want to undertake. I'm getting the itch to document, to craft, to create...and man I have missed this feeling

We spent a night away for our anniversary and it was so, so rad. It was my first night away from my baby so there were tears, of course. And guilt, and sadness and....
but truly? We needed that time away. We reconnected. We remembered how to do things as a couple without a baby. We drank. We laughed. We slept in. it..was...awesome!! And now I am home with photographs and mementos and papers that I want to put into an album of its very own. And I will share it here with you once I get it done. I'm excited to scrapbook again.

But, also..this time away from my son really showed me how much motherhood has changed me. The role of being Hudson's mom defines me now. And I am completely okay with that. What I do now has to make sense for my family. My being away from them has to be worth it, in every way. Because being  a mom? Being a wife? Those are my priorities. And I really, really love my job ;) I never realized how much our days are scheduled around naps and feedings. Or how much I loved it, for that matter, until I was taken away from that schedule for a night and given the freedom to do anything I wanted at any time...I actually forgot what that was like! Which is totally okay. It really is! Because the day will come, sooner rather than later, when Hudson won't need me to watch him 24/7. He won't need me to cuddle him or feed him or play with him...and then I'll be missing these days something fierce and we all know I will cry about it.

So here's to nights away with your husband. Here's to being a mom. Here's to being thankful for having what you have right in front of you...life is pretty dang good

Currently: End of August

I was so enamoured with Ali Edwards' recent blog post that summarized their life as of late that I knew I wanted to take a moment and think about where my family and I am at, at this point in our year. Documenting our lives has fallen to the wayside as of late for me, what with packing up my craft supplies last October, moving house, renovating, having a baby..those boxes are still packed away in our basement and I have been so busy being a mom and a wife that I have left that part of me aside, until now. I finally feel ready to get back into those albums and truly document our lives the way they deserve to be.

I have already ordered prints to keep caught up with my Project Life album, pre-ordered albums for my 2014 December Daily as well as my 2015 One Little Word album. The future looks promising ;)

And with that, here is my little summary of our family at the end of Summer

[Adam] working so hard around the farm to play catch up with the million projects on the proverbial To Do list. It seems like work around the farm will never be fully caught up as new projects always pop up! What has always amazed me about my farmer though is how he takes it all in stride. He loves to be busy and rarely ever complains about the work ahead. He takes pride in his farm, his work and most of all, his family and that is something I admire deeply about him.

We just went thru 4 straight days of rain which is unheard of for this time of year & very frustrating as we desperately try to finish our harvest before the weather turns. At the moment, we have our peas off the ground and into the bins. Thats a mere 10% of our harvest. But, thats the name of the game when your office is your backyard and Mother Nature is your boss!

[Hudson] is growing like a weed in front of my very own eyes. It seems forever ago that he was just a tiny, fragile newborn and now I have this person in front of me! He is developing such a huge personality already and I fall more in love with him every day. Every morning I walk into his nursery and am greeted by the biggest grin you could imagine. We have a set routine in our days now that I craved so badly when we first brought him home. So thankful for such a quick & smooth transition into our new life this Summer.

Hudson is such a serious little boy, more interested in the mechanics of the world around him and loves to grasp everything in sight and discover the world around him for himself. His current favourites are playing on his musical mat, jolly jumping and sitting on someones' shoulders to get the best view in the house. He loves his blankets as well as grasping mommy's hair while sucking his thumb for comfort. Its so odd, its adorable!

Weighs: approx 15lbs  Length: 24" Teeth: 0

Loves: Baby Mumums, fruits & vegetables (esp butternut squash & prunes), bath time, swinging, being tickled under his ribs (gently)

Hates: facial hair, being spooked

[Dawn] this year has by far been the most challenging of my life. Not only did I become a mother but there have been so many changes in my life..some many changes in ME

This Summer I have been challenging myself as a mother & as a photographer. I have been nurturing myself as I finally allow myself to grieve the loss of my dad as well as the loss of other relationships I once held dear. Loss is such a huge process to go through, it leaves you raw and open and, unless you are ready for that, its a very painful experience. I am learning daily how to move forward and I don't think I still know what I am doing but, I'm moving forward each day in a new way and thats all I can expect from myself at this point.

I feel I am at the cusp of some major growth and change in my life and I am so excited to see where this goes!

Happy Mothers Day!!

Just popping in on this beautiful Sunday afternoon to wish every mom out there a very Happy Mothers Day!! Being a mommy is the hardest/most rewarding job in this world and I never fully realized that until I became a mom myself. It is a blessing and a privilege..and I am so thankful that this year I get to join the league of moms all around the world..what a blessing!!

and a very special Happy Mothers Day to my momma, who has held my hand thru every major milestone in my life and never let me down..you are an amazing grandma to Hudson and I thank God for you every day..

and last but DEFINITELY not least, Happy Mothers Day to my beautiful Mother in Law..I am lucky to call you family, lucky to call you my neighbour and beyond blessed that you are also the grandmother to my son. Thank you for raising an amazing man in my husband and for helping teach me the ways of the farm wife in this little oasis we call "home"..

love you all..

We're on team..

BLUE!

Yup, we had our anatomy scan last Thursday and the evidence of our little boy was VERY clear...we have a son on the way!!

 

I have had a gut feeling for quite some time now that this little one in my tummy was a boy. I had been saying since we found out that we were expecting that I wanted it to be a girl but I have to admit, when they told me it was a boy and I watched him on that ultrasound screen....a girl couldn't have been farther from my mind. I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude that he is a healthy baby. The technician went thru all his vital organs and showed me the chambers of his heart, his kidneys, etc and he was given a clean bill of health....and I thought to myself.."I did it!" Those first few months of pregnancy are vital to the development of your little one and I have to admit, its the biggest feeling of accomplishment I have ever felt!

 

 

They say that sometimes a baby will not cooperate with the ultrasound to reveal their gender. But, because this is my husbands son (hehehe) as you can see from the above photo..that was no problem. There he was, legs wide open to reveal to anyone who cared that he was, in fact, a boy.

 

Now of course I have my worries like, changing diapers and how to deal with those parts (I have nieces..thats all) but I trust in myself enough to know those things will arise and I will be able to figure it out, especially with my husband by my side!

 

As this is the first baby for us and for both of our families, its truly an exciting time. Everyone is overjoyed with a healthy baby on the way and the soon to be daddy and grandpa, of course, are overjoyed for a new little farm boy to have grow up here on our farm. Its a time of joy and gratitude and I cannot fully explain how overwhelmed I am with emotions and thankfulness.

 

His kicks have gotten stronger, somedays painfully so! But when I am lying down at night, before I fall asleep, I feel his kicks and I start to smile with this thought..

" I have a son..."

Last night hubby worked late in the field harvesting mustard and when he came in, I was already in bed reading. He started telling me about his day and his son started going crazy in my belly. I told Adam the baby obviously recognizes his voice already and I'll tell you what, I've never seen that man so full of pride! He is going to be an amazing daddy to this boy, I knew it way before our son was even a thought but these past 5 months have confirmed every notion. Last Monday night was the first time he got to feel a kick from the outside and every morning and every night, he places a hand on my belly to feel them again. When he leaves in the early morning light for the field, he always kisses me good morning and now, for the last 5 months, he also kisses my belly and tells the baby how much he loves us both. Its a dream for this girl...an absolute dream!

 

So here we are...about to embark on Week 23 of our pregnancy. Things are getting real and they are definitely getting exciting! Cannot wait for Fall to come and cool this mommy to be off but also, these next 4 months are my favorite months of the year so I say, bring 'em on! Happy weekend  everyone!

 

 

 

 

 

Announcing my biggest project I've ever worked on...

Last month, I had mentioned I was working on a huge project that I wasn't yet ready to announce..well, today is that day my friends! Its the reason you haven't seen me around here lately and the reason my Spring has been full of inexplicable joy and a ton of day time naps..

 

I'm pregnant!

 

Adam & I are beyond thrilled to announce that Baby C is finally on their way! We had been wishing and hoping for our first bundle of joy for some time now and, especially after the winter our family has had..we needed this little miracle in our lives to prove to us that life is good again. Baby Bun will be making their debut in January 2014 and is very, very special to all of us. Not only are they our very first baby, they are the first grandbaby on both sides of our families..making this an extraordinary time for our families.

 

 

 

I found out on May 3rd that we were going to have our baby, and I have been glowing ever since. At first, I didn't believe it..I always wondered what my initial reaction would be to finding out I was expecting, and I didn't disappoint! Immediately I started bawling...tears of happiness streamed down my face and I started talking to my Daddio saying "we did it, dad..you're going to be a grandpa" It was truly a special moment I will never, ever forget.

 

Fast forward to the end of June and Adam & I heard Baby Bun's heartbeat at the doctors office for the very first time. The minute that "woosh woosh" sound could be heard, I started crying..again. It was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard in my life. Things became real..there is a life inside of me and I just heard the proof! The following week we had our first ultrasound and I was able to witness my baby jumping and kicking inside of me. I couldn't look away...it was the most maternal moment I had ever experienced. I'm forming a life. A combination of my husband and myself. How do you explain the joy that comes with that?

 

My first trimester was not the easiest but I definitely am not complaining..its a gift and a joy to be expecting a child and I won't ever take it for granted. I am now almost in my 17th week and starting to slowly feel somewhat normal again, minus the growing bump I have begun to notice in front of me ;)

 

In my 16th week :)





So here we go..on our journey to becoming first time parents. We have decided to find out the gender of our little bundle of joy and are anxiously waiting for another month til we can see our little one again on the computer screen and find out if we are team pink or blue. I'm so excited to finally announce our news to the world..in a small way, it makes this journey even more exciting than it already is!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

While Americans celebrate their Thanksgiving in late November, the holiday has always landed in early October for us Canadians..and today is the day!! Growing up, I always saw ads/commercials for American thanksgivings and was always jealous at how celebrated it is there. Here, in Canada, we do the celebratory dinner complete with turkey and all the fixins, but it just seems to really hit home way more South of the border!! I have always dreamed of hosting my own Thanksgiving dinner, having family & friends at my dinner table and, once we get in to our farmhouse and settled in, I really hope we can do so! I think it would be so nice to plan the meal, shop for all the requirements and prep the food, just like my mom and grandma did for us growing up..I think its time to take over & return the favor ;)

I have loved the above Norman Rockwell photo for years. It symbolizes what Thanksgiving and life is really all about, family. To be blessed with a loving family that you can sit around a table full of delicious food and laugh and share stories is what it really is all about, isn't it?!!

 

Now that I am married, live in the country and have this romantic view of our farm life, I truly feel holidays will be that much more if I can get everyone together here at our farm for fun filled weekends full of laughter, food and tall tales. Theres just something about living on a farm, I can't explain it!! In fact, I have already requested a dinner bell off our front porch to ring and call in the family whenever dinner is on the table..how fun would that be?

 

DING DING DING..... DINNER!!!!

 

this was taken this past Summer at the farmhouse in Heritage Park, LOVED this dinner bell ;)

 

 

Now, truth be told, I have never made a turkey before. I mean, I helped mom a few times here and there but never have I made one from scratch on my own! Sure, I've roasted chickens before..but only recently. And yes, you can guarantee I'd still want my mom in the kitchen with me if they were to come to the farm for Thanksgiving, but thats all part of the fun!!

 

 

So today, if you are Canadian..I hope you put on your cutest aprons and enjoy the day with your family! I can smell the turkey already...Mmmm, Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!!

Happy Birthday!!!

He's the man who took me golfing in the early mornings so I could drive the cart or hold the flags. He's the man who taught me how to fish. He's the man who woke me up early in the morning while at the cabin so that we could go for a walk, just the two of us. He's the man that taught me how to plant zinnias, he's the man that always made everything better. He's my daddio and today he turns one year older. Happy Birthday dad!!!

My family in 1989

My dad & I have had a very interesting life so far: I always tried my best to get under his skin growing up and he was always the one with a million questions. What I didn't know then is that it's because of my parents asking all the questions they did that kept me (mostly) out of trouble!! It's because of my family, led by my dad that I believe family trumps all..even money. My dad cherishes us & my mom as if we were pure gold..and who wouldn't be lucky to grow up with a dad like that?!?

Over the years, dad & I have grown into a more comfortable relationship. We both share a love of the great outdoors, the countryside, gardening, reading, antiques and even farming. My dad is unlike any man I ever met before..that is until I met my husband ;) you want to see men chat up complete strangers for hours quite easily? Look no further than Adam or dad!! They are in so many ways so similar, and I wouldn't have it any other way!!

So dad, if you are reading this ( and I know you are!) have a very Happy Birthday today - we are so sorry we couldn't make it down. Have a piece of cake for us & oh, tell mom to keep the fire extinguisher out..just in case the candles get too out of control ;) Love you lots!!!

Hello April!!

I am so excited that April is here...Spring is in the air, our new machinery has arrived for seeding and I just have a feeling that this coming month is going to be awesome..

This weekend, my parents came down for their first over-night stay at the farm and we could not have been more excited! Of course, the visit went much too quickly and I missed them before they even left the driveway..but my gosh was it ever nice to have them here while we did!! I hope your weekend was as wonderful as ours!!

The boys and I walked and enjoyed the beautiful songs by our resident Meadowlarks

Mom & Dad came!!

Simon made sure my dad went right to work..

Jakey went for his 1st ride in the back of a truck {& loved it!}

Our new tractor arrived!

This guy experienced egg dyeing for the 1st time in 20 years!!

Mom taught me how to make fried chicken...mmmm

and now we're ready for Easter!!

I am loving my weekend recaps on Mondays! Its so much fun to go over my photos and truly realize what our everyday moments entail!! Plus its a great way of record keeping for my Project Life album ;) I hope you all have a wonderful Monday - see you tomorrow!!

Feels like yesterday

It feels like yesterday that I was sitting beside my grandma, telling her all about my life as a 13 year old. I had a fresh new perm in my hair that she complimented me on as I filled her in on all the trials and tribulations of being a teenager in the 90's. The day I am talking about was a sunny day in May 1997, my grandma was in the hospital, fighting a losing battle. I didn't know it that day, but it would be my last conversation that I would ever have with my grandma. I sat with her for hours, just the two of us. And when it was time to leave, I got up, kissed her cheek, then stood at the end of her bed and told her I loved her. She smiled. And I was gone. And just like that, so was she. She was my first loss & its been incredibly hard for our family..but it still feels like just yesterday she was here

 This is my grandma's graduation photo from 1945, wasn't she beautiful?

My grandma lived an amazing life. When she was younger she was (apparently) an amazing swing dancer and loved having a good time. She met my grandpa just out of school and they fell madly in love with each other! They had 4 children, my father being their baby and lived a simple, yet incredible love story. One that I envied for most of my life! My grandma is also a symbol of strength for me, she battled polio, cancer, a leg amputation & a tracheotomy in her life..and she remained strong throughout it all. She is my hero.

Her favorite flower was the lilac, and every time I see one or smell one I can't help but allow my thoughts to drift to her..she was beautiful, she was strong, she was loved, she was my grandma and my role model. 14 years ago today she left us for a better place. But every Spring, a lilac blooms and she lingers in their scent..

Thankful

With tomorrow being a holiday, today is officially a "Friday" for me! I'm gearing up for another busy weekend at the farm plus our annual Easter Egg hunt here in town with all my family. The family Easter egg hunt is a tradition in our family .. one that I never want to see end! We have a home video from 1989 in my grandparents' back yard .. I was 5 & kinda cute and the video makes me smile, giggle and tear up every time I look at it. Traditions are important. Hugely important. Please don't ever stop them in your family, please create new ones and work hard at keeping them in your lives!

I'm a little sentimental today. You may have noticed ;)

Currently, I am going thru all the photographs of the 27 years I've been on this Earth. Some make me cringe, some make me want to find a match, but most make me smile and bring me back to all sorts of days when life seemed never-ending and simple! For these ones, I am thankful. I am thankful that someone thought to pick up the camera and take those shots, I am thankful that those days existed to create these memories and I am thankful that I grew up in such a loving home!

And now that I'm older, I'm thankful for this man

He is seriously everything to me .. he makes me laugh, he makes me feel loved, he gets me and I get him and he takes really, really good care of me. Every girl wants to marry someone like her daddy when they are older..and let me tell you, he's "The One" .. words cannot express how truly, madly, deeply I am in love with this man ..my beau, my farmer, my hubby-to-be!

And of course, I'm thankful for this little man

He is a furball, a lab, a puppy at heart and my baby. I adopted him almost 4 years ago now from the local animal shelter..and let me tell you, I think he's saved me more than I ever saved him! He is my constant companion, my buddy, my fellow foodie and snuggle buddy. He gets me out walking, we have one sided conversations often and when I made the big decision to leave my 9 year relationship and start fresh..I couldn't have done it without him! I don't fear living alone because he protects me, he waits for me til I come home from work every day, he guards our home and he loves me unconditionally. *sigh*

And this

I'm thankful for this relationship..this amazing, amazing relationship! I envied my grandparents and my parents..they had a love I thought I would never attain .. but I watched, I listened, I learned and I went with my gut and I found him..the love of my life. There is a peace that now exists in my life, its comforting and exciting and we are going to have an amazing life together, we just know it ;)

Wherever you are .. I hope you have a lot to be thankful for today too!! Have a great Easter weekend everyone..Happy Crafting!



Friday Randoms

Happy Friday everyone!!

We went an entire week without snow!! (knock on wood). Although the weekend temps are still looking a little cool & windy, it still promises to be a great  weekend to do a lot of Spring cleaning and organizing of the flower beds! Adam is on his way in to town as I type this and we have a VERY long to do list awaiting us!!  This weekend we are cleaning up the yard, taking down the Christmas lights (finally) and taking a load out to the dump from my interior Spring cleaning. Then we are shopping for things like toilets, bathtubs, showers & sinks for the new place PLUS a few wedding errands as well ;)

And with that, here are my Friday randoms.

- Today is the 2 year anniversary of my daddio being cancer free!! Its a huge, huge day and definitely something worth celebrating!! 2 years ago my dad was under the knife in Calgary and my mom, my aunt and I spent the day out and about, trying to take our minds off of everything that was happening. We shared a few laughs and a lot of tears that day..and now looking back, I am so grateful for the way everything has turned out

- I am working hard at purging my home and cleaning like a mad woman, for I plan to list it on the market for May 1st..the decision is bittersweet for me as I love the home I have created in the past year, but I am excited to move on to the next chapter of my life with my future husband and our new home!

-I have now successfully submitted 18 projects in to Paper Crafts Holiday Cards & More magazine..my fingers are crossed as this is something I have wanted for years..April 29th is when the acceptance emails will be sent out..please cross your fingers with me!!

- I am cooking up a nice dinner for Adam and myself tonight..complete with homemade brownies for dessert (my specialty) .. was pretty ashamed when I realized we've been together 10 months now and I can count on one hand how many meals I've actually cooked for him ;) Don't get me wrong..I actually think I have a pretty valid "excuse" .. most weekends I'm there at the farm so we eat with his family, and when he comes to me, its a treat for him to go out to restaurants or we eat with my family! My..how my life is going to change in just 4.5 months!!

Alright folks..looks like that's all for me this week!! Have a super awesome weekend, enjoy the sunshine (if you get any) and I will see you next week! Happy Crafting everyone!!