It was ten after one in the morning and I had just shut out my beside lamp and snuggled in for the night. There was still no sign of baby so Adam was back home on the farm for a few days while I hung out at my mom's, anxiously waiting. Just as I had closed my eyes, I felt it. That uncontrollable sensation of fluid gushing out! I always thought I would panic when this happened but instead, I was ridiculously excited! I immediately called hubby to wake him & tell him to get in his truck then proceeded to look down and realized I was losing blood, not water, and a lot of it.
At this point, I still didn't think anything was wrong..just a normal water break! But I called my mom from the basement to help me get to the bathroom as I was afraid of ruining her beige carpet. When she came down and saw the blood, she panicked.. I assured her I was fine then proceeded to take a shower to clean myself off but the blood kept coming! Mom called the ER who immediately requested we come in .. and away we went! At this time I still hadn't felt a contraction so felt this trip was unnecessary but I obliged and I am SO happy now that I did! (always trust your mothers gut!!!)
Upon our arrival I had already almost blacked out twice from the loss of blood and low blood pressure but I still didn't think anything was wrong! The nurses assessed me and put me on oxygen then monitored the baby's heart rate to ensure he was still safe & sound inside me. In the period of the next two hours, my blood pressure dropped dramatically 3 times and with that, so did babys heart rate. I was so scared to see his little heart go from 140 BPM to 40 in a flash. I knew he had to come out and thankfully, the drs took no chances.
Adam arrived at 3:40 and within a half hour, I was being taken in to the OR for an emergency casaerean. Now, up til this point I had dreaded the idea of a csection. It scared the daylights out of me to even think about it! But when it came time to saving my little man? I didn't even blink an eye! The drs wheeled me in and immediately administered the epidural (again, it was nothing!) and had me all ready to go before letting Adam in to be with me
Of the moments during the csection, I really only distinctly remember 2 events:
1) Adam coming in and the drs telling me they were going to clean my belly with antiseptic; and
2) The drs telling me the head was born approx 1 minute later
I could hardly believe how fast it had gone! And then...
we heard his first cry. And it was a sound I will never forget. It was the most beautiful, amazing, surreal sound..my son...the sound of my son!! Immediately I cried and I couldn't wait to see him. When they brought him up to me, I fell in love...*hard*
After that moment, life became a blur. I was holding my son within a half an hour and I can guarantee you, I haven't let go. Sure we've had some very long nights and I have seriously doubted myself more than ever before, but we're making it through. The first month was the hardest by far. Not knowing what you're doing at 2 am with a screaming newborn will cause anyone to question themselves..but day by day, things got a little easier and we got a little more relaxed. To be honest, we're getting spoiled with this one. For the most part, minus a gassy tummy, he is the most content little baby I've ever met! I love him something fierce, but, I'm sure you already knew that ;)
Nowadays I don't get much else done in the day except for nursing, cuddling and loving on my little boy. I adore being a mommy and am so grateful for him in my life. This is by far the hardest/most rewarding thing I have ever done!! My life has changed immensely now...and I wouldn't change a thing..