As I type this, I'm sitting in bed feeling my little baby's kicks and squirms from within. We are just days away from his estimated due date (Tuesday!!) and I am feeling a little of every single emotion possible. I sent Adam home to the farm today to do a little catch up on farm business and to check on our dogs & chickens. Poor guy is going stir crazy being in the city for 2 weeks already, I figured he could use the break! Thankfully we have everything packed and ready to go to the hospital and he will be back before I know it. If, for any reason, I become concerned..he'll be back here in under 3 hours tops ;)
The quiet moments of him being away have provided me with time to reflect on this time in my life and trust me, I still haven't fully wrapped my head around what I'm about to experience! I never thought I'd be here. Growing up, I always said that labor & delivery was going to be too painful and that I would never do it. In fact, up until about 5 years ago..I never thought I'd have kids! Now fast forward to today and I am happily married to my best friend, anxiously awaiting our first child and daydreaming about the family we will build and continue to add to (we're still thinking 3-4 little ones but, ask me in a month!!)
There are certain things I want to be sure and remember about this pregnancy. So I thought I'd share them here so that they can be recorded and documented forever. So here goes, my list of things I want to remember:
- I want to remember the shock I felt that morning of May 3rd, 2013 when I finally saw those double lines indicating I was indeed pregnant. I didn't believe it, I couldn't! I ended up taking 4 pregnancy tests in total and, even then..I still couldn't trust it!
- I want to remember telling our parents they were going to be grandparents. They all shared tears of joy and celebrated this most amazing news. Their excitement only added to our own and we have felt thoroughly blessed to have them be in our little ones life
- I want to remember my first appointment at the maternity clinic. I was so scared & nervous! I honestly believed they were going to tell me I was in fact *not* pregnant and that maybe a mental evaluation was in order ;) but then the dr had me lay on the table and, after what felt like hours, I heard the heartbeat. And it was so beautiful. And I cried right then and there, on that very table. Adam still has that video and I remember replaying it over & over again..just so I could hear that magical sound
- I want to remember our first ultrasound and being in utter awe of this magnificent miracle on the screen. A tiny little baby was being formed and I at once started dreaming of who they were..
- I want to remember being sad because I hadn't felt a kick yet when it seemed like everyone else at my stage of pregnancy had..and that night, here on my moms couch..I felt it. It was a tiny flutter..a little butterfly kiss from within and I knew then & there my life had forever changed
- I want to remember staring at my belly, waiting for the bump. Waiting for the kicks..wondering how much weight I'd gain or how my body would morph..
- I want to remember going to my 21 week ultrasound with my mom (we were harvesting so Adam couldn't come) and finding out the gender of this little miracle. I had been hoping and praying for a little girl and up until 2 weeks before the ultrasound, I truly believed it was! But then i had a dream that it was a boy and, sure enough! It was! Now, looking back, I couldn't imagine him not being who he is!!
- I want to remember the first time Adam felt his son kick. It was brief and faint but it was their very first connection in life and it melted my heart
- I want to remember all of these kicks and jabs and especially the squirms and rolls. Spending hours watching him move thru my tummy and seeing the look of awe and wonder on my hubby's face as he laid and watched beside me
- I want to remember the liver scare I had with this pregnancy. Waking up to a horrific itch that would not go away and I was so scared something was wrong! The drs tested me for choleostasis of pregnancy and I was on a bile reducer for 2 months before it disappeared as quickly as it came
- I want to remember being told I had a low lying placenta and that I would probably have to have a csection. Then getting that phone call to inform me I was being moved to the high risk clinic.
It was so scary to me but, baby & I pulled thru and we are now considered "normal pregnancy" status..whew
- I want to remember the sporadic contractions I've been feeling since Dec 20th. Some have been quite mild while others have made me question whether or not labor was beginning. They've been scary and somewhat painful but exciting at the same time..baby is coming!!
- I want to remember the super emotional day I had Wednesday when everything was getting to me and I was so tired. Then Adam brought me to bed, helped me change into my pjs in the middle of the day, tucked me into bed, stuffed pillows in all the perfect crevices and he knew what I needed without my saying a word. And in that instant I cried again..cried for pure gratefulness for this amazing man that loves me so and knew exactly what I needed without having to ask for a single thing. It was pure love
- I want to remember the love I have been feeling from those around us. They have proven to is how loved we are as a family by many and it's truly touched my heart in the most profound of ways
- I want to remember this moment, right here and now. Wondering what day he'll arrive, how he'll arrive, how I'll do bringing him into this world, what he'll look like, what our life will look like with him in it..so many questions...
To me, pregnancy has been beautiful and very awakening. I feel utterly blessed to be this little mans mommy and I cannot wait to share his story with you all. Please keep our little family in your thoughts these next few days (weeks) as we undertake our greatest accomplishment ever..life!!